Chapter II. All the wrong decisions

It was clear that I wasn't going to ignore what had happened in the dining room, although I had made everyone believe so, so now, with Nancy locked in her room (out of isolation), I go to find Dorian to explain and agree a punishment for her.

I walk through the corridors, as I move away from the common room, Dominique's song is heard only in a distant echo and little by little, silence breaks through. Now I can only hear the sound of my own steps. When I arrive at Dorian's office, I knock my knuckles several times on the door, hitting the well-kept oak wood.

After announcing that I'm there, I open the door and walk to his desk, to sit in one of the two small chairs in front of him.—We had a problem with the new girl, the one who was in isolation since she arrived. Nancy Downs. She hasn't learned anything from her isolation punishment, she entered the dining room and hit another patient just for looking at her.— I really hope, Nancy's file has to be on the table and not filed.— With all due respect, sir. I think she would be a good candidate for one of your investigations. God is not with her.

I am sitting in my office, tired from working on files and reports the whole afternoon. Only a little lamp on my desk illuminates the room. I take my glasses off and put them on the table, looking exhausted. Suddenly, I hear someone knocking on the door, so I look up and see Sister Jude sitting in front of me.

After she explained to me what happened in the dinning room today, I stand up and go the commode, next to my desk. I search for the name 'Downs' and take out the file. Then I go back to my chair and take a seat again.
— Her last insvestigation was 6 months ago, that and her time in isolation could explain her rebellious behaviour...— I say while reading some reports in her file. — This one is a extrem case and what happened today shows me that we don't make any developments— I say seriously and put my hand under my chin. — Did she got the medicine, which I prescribed her?—

I stare at Dorian seriously.— No. The nurses and security guards forced her to swallow the pills, but she provoked her own vomit and she spat them on John, the guard who guards his corridor. She called his attention screaming for help and when he opened the small window of her door, she spit 'em all on his face.—I put on a disgusted face remembering the security guard with his face vomited and Nancy's laughter that sounded all along the corridor.— It is the most difficult case that has entered here and I am no longer sure that she has salvation. Maybe the devil is in her... maybe you'll need to use electro shock therapy on her. To eliminate the evil of her brain.— I look directly into Dorian's face, seriously. I want her to be punished because it is the reflection of sin.

Sister Jude seems to be very serious while she talks. I nod and stare at a random point on my desk, thinking. After a few seconds, I made my decision. —She is not allowed to eat or drink for the next 24 hours. I need her to be sober for the therapy— I say and close the file. —And Mary? How did she do on her first day?— I ask, staring at the nun.

I sigh, thinking of that insolent and ill-educated girl.—Terribly wrong, sir. She sat with the patients, as if they were equal to us...And she brought a very short uniform, what a shame! I had to give her one, from a worker who is no longer with us.— The uniform Mary now wears belonged to Ashley Burns, a twenty-two-year-old girl who came full of joy and hope and who didn't found what she was looking for. I still remember her blond hair blowing with the wind and her perfect smile. Above all I remember that smile breaking at the end of the stairs when she tried to leave us, threatening to tell the whole world what happens between the walls of our hospital. It was a real pity that, accidentally, a dangerous patient had escaped and pushed her stairs. She did not survive. Or it wasn't an accident?


I have to contain the smile that begins to appear on my lips when I remember her, at the end of the stairs, lying on the floor, surrounded by blood, dead and wearing that same uniform.— She believes that these people can really be cured.

I press my teeth together, getting angry about my sister's behaviour. I knew when she arrived, that she is going to be a problem. I go with my fingers over my moustache and take a long breath before I talk again. —I want you to keep an eye on her. She is young and inexperienced. I don't want her to destroy what my family build up over years— I say with an deep voice and put on my glasses.

I nod slowly with my head, with a little smile at the edge of my lips, that are slightly dyed red thanks to the lipstick I was wearing this morning, in my room. I get up, staring at him again, like searching for his approval with the look. I turn around and walk slowly towards the door, opening it to go out and closing it behind my back. When I start to move away from the boss's office I see Mary coming, from the end of the hall.— It is better not to bother him with your teenager stories, he is very busy. With real work.— I continue walking, not staring at her, but I stop, giving her my back.— By the way, Nancy Downs is not allowed to leave her room in 24 hours. Make sure she does not eat or drink anything, nor her medicine will be given to her.- I say, and I continue walking away.

My first day is finally done. I finished my shift and now I am about to see my brother, but Sister Jude crosses my way. I don't reply anything, I just nod after she told me about Nancy Downs, the patient who was in isolation, as I found out. When she went around the corner and I don't see her anymore, I close my eyes for a second, to calm me down. "This woman is a real devil" I think and turn around, walking to the nursing room.

There I change my clothes and when I am ready, I look into the mirror. My eyes are a little closed and dark rings surround them. I breathe out loud and open my hair. Then I go with my fingers through it before I take my bag and leave the Asylum. As soon as I am outside, I can hear the sound of a car horn. I turn around and see a black car behind me. Then the window opens and I see Dorian sitting inside. —Get in— He only says and stares at me. I don't ask anything, I just get into it and then he starts driving. We don't talk the whole drive.

After a while, we arrive at the house of my parents, well our house now. The estate is surrounded by a forest and there are no other houses. Without a word, he gets out of the car and opens the door for me. I do the same and together we walk towards the door. He opens it and we enter. Everything is dark until he presses on a button, which is right next to the door. Now, the big chandelier illuminates the entire entrance. I look around, trying to remember things from my childhood. Nothing really changed, only that now a big picture of my parents with a golden frame hangs on the wall, above the fireplace. —You can stay here. Your room is on the first floor. Mom and Dad renovated it after you left Braircliff.— My brother says and I stare at him. Then I nod. It kinda hurts me to know that they threw my things away, like if they didn't mean anything to them. Dorian leaves me and goes upstairs, to his room. I stand there for a few minutes, only staring at the photo. "My parents look old, probably they took it before they died" I think before I take my bag and my luggage, going upstairs too. The house is big, I almost forgot how big. Then when I arrive at my room, I open the door and see a big bed in the centre of it. On the side there is a huge bookshelf and a wardrobe. Everything is so orderly, like if no one ever has been in this room. I enter it and put my suitcase on the bed. Then I open it and take out a frame with a picture of me and aunt Nicky in it. Since I live in Braircliff, I miss her more and more everyday. I stare at the picture before i put it on my night table, next to my bed. The next thing what I take out is the necklace, which my mom gave to me, right before I left the city. It's the only thing I have left of her. I open the lock and put it on. After I heard about my parent's death, I never was able to wear it again, but now I am. It gives me strenght. When I am done with unpacking, I decide to see if Dorian sleeps already. Since I am here, we never really got the chance to talk to each other a lot. I go downstairs and see him sitting in a armchair, in the living room. He wears normal clothes and smokes a Havanna. Then I take a sit on the couch in front of him, but he doesn't turn his head around, to stare at me. He leans forward and takes a glass, filling it with some type of whiskey. Then he puts it in front of me. —We never got the chance to talk about what happened...— I start the conversation.

I smoke my Havanna, to relax a bit after work. Then, I can hear footsteps behind me. I know it's Mary so I don't turn around. When she sits down, I offer her a glass Whiskey, in hope she won't talk so much, but I am wrong. She starts with something I never wanted to talk about with her. I take the zigarette out of my mouth and drink before I reply. —What do you mean?— I ask, even if I know what she means. My sister's look changes confused now. -I mean the accident. You weren't at the funeral...Why?- Mary asks me and I put my hand in front of my mouth. —I had to work that day—

I open my mouth, about to say something, but I can't. "He had to work? He can't be serious." I think. —Why is in this family the work always more important than the people around?— I ask frustrated. Dorian finally turns his head around and stares at me now. His look is cold and serious. -You don't understand that- He says to me and puts his glass on the table. I pull my eyebrows together. —You are right. I don't. No, I will never understand what is so special about this job, that it always comes first—

Mary's curiosity annoys me. —Did you came here to ask me questions to which I can't give you answers you understand or because of our parents?— I ask her and stare directly at her eyes. She shakes her head. -And you? Are you still in there? Or is the Dorian I knew dead too?- My sister asks me and I slowly stand up. —I don't need to explain my actions to you, to a child. And a woman. If you don't like who I am now or the work in the Asylum, I won't stop you from going back to aunt Nicky.— I say and turn around to leave her.

—WHY DO YOU ALWAYS RUN AWAY WHEN I WANT TO TALK WITH YOU?!— I yell at him and he stops walking. Then he turns around. He looks angry, but I deserve to know more. —Our parents rejected me because they were too busy to take care of their little girl. Now I am here, as a grown woman, but it's still the same...You do the same, you push me away.— I say, more calmed and with tears in my eyes.

I don't say anything for a few seconds. Then I walk a little closer towards her. —Did you even know our parents, Mary? No, you didn't. So, stop talking about them as if you did.— I say and leave her behind. I go upstairs to my bedroom and when I enter it, I change my clothes. I think about what me and my sister just talked about. Finally, when I lay in bed, I think of her. "Mary's curiosity can become a real problem and I have to do everything to keep her away from my insvestigations and the secret part of the asylum.—