I let myself be covered by her. Being between her arms comforts me, but it also makes me trust enough to show my most sensitive side. I never cry, nor show my emotions. I have learned to put on a breastplate so as not to get hurt, even more.
The others believe that I am overcoming it in my own way, but it is not like that, I was just avoiding this moment; the moment when he finally broke down to cry and accepted that he would not return. Jimmy will never come back. I won't hear his laugh again, endure his hobbies or have a fight with him. We will never spend sleepless nights composing songs and daydreaming about the future that awaits us. No. Jimmy is gone.
This time I can't help it, not only a couple of tears fall down my face, but I break into tears. I had never cried so much, even when I knew he wasn't going to wake up anymore. I didn't want to accept it, but now I know, now is my time to let him go.
Being here, with Allie, is some kind of guilty pleasure. Thinking about my brother makes me feel like someone is ripping my heart from my chest, but being in his arms gives me enough serenity. I don't need more alcohol, more women or more parties. What I need and had needed all this time, was "an Allie." My Allie.
I look up. My eyes are red and inflamed, and my breathing is short. I feel a tightness in my chest that could be confused with nausea. And I know that this pain will never go away. Maybe I will learn to live with it, but it will hurt until the day I die.—He is gone... forever— Forever. Thatword also reminds me of him. I try to breathe deeply and look at her.— I am sorry. I didn't wanted to worry you...— I stand up slowly, feeling the fresh air hitting my face. As the last tears that are on my eyes fall down, I can feel how that heavy stone I was carrying on my back, slowly falls. He is dead and it will be like that, forever.
But he will be with me forever too. And he loved me enough to wish me a happy life, even without him. So tonight it's the night. This is my new start. And he will stay in my memories, and in my heart...foREVer.
Then, I turn around to stare at her again, showing a little smile. I needed something like this. She just saved me, in every way that a person can be save.— Thank you.