Chapter X. Warmness on the soul

I take her hand and we both walk outside, I am drunk, not too much, but I can't deny I am at that point that everything makes me laugh and I have the uncontrollable necessity of doing dumb stuff. No one see us leave so it's easier for us not have to give explanations to anyone of why are we leaving together, alone and drunk.

My hotel room is not so fan away from the bar, in fact, we only need to cross the street. When we arrive to reception, I search the key-card in my wallet and I press the button to call the elevator. I stare at her, in silence. I need to kiss her but the girl who works on the hotel at night it's just a few meters away and I don't want anyone to think bad about Allie, so I pretend we are not together until the elevator arrives. I get in and I lean againts the wall which is covered with a big mirror. When Allie is inside too I press the button number 20 and I wait staring at the front until the doors close.

When that happens I move fast towards her and I start to kiss her lips, passionate. Her back is against the elevator wall now and I am pressing my body against hers until I hear the door opening. I move fast away from her and I can see it's not our floor already. A man gets in, just between us and I take a quick look to Allie, trying not to laugh.

Together we leave the bar. The cold air hits me right in the face, it feels good. When we arrive at the hotel, I wait with him in front of the elevator, not staring at him, because I know if I would, I would kiss him. So, the elevator open it's doors and we get in.

As soon as the doors close, Brad pushes me against the walls and kisses me, similar to the kiss in the morning. I grab his face and kiss him back, letting our tongues play together. Suddenly, the doors open and we move apart, pretending nothing happened. A man comes in and I give Syn a quick look before I look down to the ground, smiling.

The man leaves the elevator before us and then we arrive at the floor where Brad has his hotel room. We get out and walk towards his room. He opens it with his card and lets me enter first.

I let her enter first and I stare at her and her body, while she walks in. I close the door behind my back, maybe doing more noise than I should and I take my jacket off, thowing it to the ground.

The hotel room is clean, and fancy. It's obvious that the woman who cleans everything has been there, because I am not that organized never. I thank god for find the room like this, it's not strange to find my room looking like a mental asylum room, mostly because Johnny likes to make those kind of jokes to me to catch my reaction. Luckily, everything is fine now.

I walk towards her and I hug her from behind, kissing her neck. All that I can feel inside is a burning fire I think I can't control. Allie is a beautiful and hot woman and I can't stop to think in how I saw her, changing her clothes on her room. Since this morning, I have this feeling. I need her. As my colleague said, if she wants and we are having fun, it's not a problem. We both knew that I'll have to leave, so I am not going to break her heart. Right?

I make her turn around to stare at me and I kiss her lips, but now slowly. I stop, to take my T-shirt off, close to her, and I look directly into her eyes for a few seconds just before I kiss her lips again, and again.

I look around, the room is pretty big and everything is so clean. Only the little lamps on the wall are illuminating it, what gives everything a warm atmosphere.

I take my jacket off and put it on the couch, which is standing right next to the bed. Then I can feel his arms around my waist and his lips on my neck. I close my eyes for a few seconds, enjoying the feeling of his closeness. He makes me turn around and kisses me. I put my arms around his neck, to get closer to him and kiss him back. When he takes his tshirt off, I stare at him and his naked chest, touching it with my fingertips. I know what is about to come, and I feel ready. The alcohol helps me a little to feel more relaxed and I am sure he is the right one. So, between kisses I take my tshirt off too, so that I stand only in a bra in front of him. I move back, with my hand on his neck, pulling him with me and then I let myself fall on the bed behind us.

We both fall on the bed. I smile her a little, between kisses. My hands, as last night in her house, are against the bed one on each side of her body so my body is not completely on hers but enough to feel her chest on mine and feel how her skin burns, as much as mine.

I go down with my kisses, from her lips to her chin, then her jawline and finally her neck. I bite it, not to strong but a little. After that, I continue going down to her breasts, kissing herm while I caress her body with one of my hands. When I can control myself anymore, I stand up to take her pants off. Now I can see her laying on the bed, only with her underwear and her bra and that is driving me completely crazy.

I do the same with my pants, so now I am laying on her again, kissing her, only with my underpants.

I kiss him. I kiss him with so much passion and I can feel the lust inside me growing. When he starts to go down with his kisses, I close my eyes and bite my lips, completely overwhelmed with emotions.

I let him do that to me, because it feels better than I expected and also because I don't have any experiences, not as him. I don't want him to stop, but he stands up and takes my pants off. Then he does the same with his. I watch him, staring at his body and when he comes over me again, I stare directly at his eyes. We are so close, feeling the other one's fast breaths against the face. He kisses me again and while we kiss each other, I start to caress his back.

Everything feels so right and good right now, but I stop, because I want him to know how special it is for me. I have one hand on his cheek now and the other one is still laying on his back. I smile a little and stare at his face. —Before we do what we are going to do, I want you to know...I am still a virgin— I whisper against his lips and continue kissing.

I continue kissing her, while my hands caress her thighs and go up, enjoying the touch of her skin, but then she stops me. For a moment I think she wants to stop me because she regrets what is happening, but when she talks I can't help but smile a little. If she wants to continue even if it's her first time, that means she likes me and I can feel in my chest something that I've never felt before...I like her and I think I am starting to fall for her.

She kisses me again and I kiss her back, passionate. The truth is that I am about to continue, I am not gonna lie; I feel so much desire and my whole body burns, but my inner voice talks to me while I am doing it. "Stop" I think. This is the moment where I really have to stop, even if she gets mad with me; I am going to leave, we can't change that because this is who I am and my life and she has to stay here. I am not going to steal that from her and then break her heart. I can't do it, and less since I really feel something else growing inside me.

I stop kissing her and I stare directly at her eyes, still so close. Our breaths are still fast and I try to control it to talk.—Allie...— I whisper and I kiss her one last time, a short one.—We can't continue with this— I say, sitting on the bed next to her.—Your first time is not supposed to be like this, Alison. It has to be special, not in a hotel room, drunk... Not with someone who is going to leave in a few days...— I say it serious but worried about her, I don't want to hurt her feelings.— It's more than obvious that I like you... a lot, but this is not enough. You deserve someone who loves you, who respects you and mostly... someone who can stay by your side after that.— I stand up— I respect you enough to stop this before it's worse in a few days... hope you can forgive me— I finally say and I walk to the bathroom to take a shower, so I can calm myself.

We kiss each other until he stops again. His stare melts me everytime. I think he wants to say something like I don't have to worry, but my smile, which was there for the whole time, fades while he is talking. He gets up and sits next to me. I do the same, so that I am sitting too now, but I don't say a word, I let him talk. I cover my body with my arms, feeling kinda ashamed. I was ready to lose my virginity with a guy I really like...And who likes me, truly.

When he finishes, I watch him going into the bathroom. I can feel how tears want to leave my eyes, but I don't let them. "Maybe I am only that little teenager for him" I think, but no, he is right. I know he is. He has to leave in a few days and all of this has no future. I would only hurt myself and after all that shit with my dad, I wouldn't be able to handle it. I just sit there for a few minutes, thinking, but then I stand up. From the sounds, which are coming out of the bathroom, I can hear he is still in the shower. So, I start collecting my clothes from the ground and get dressed. Then I breathe out before I take my backpack, about to leave, because I am not sure if he still wants me to be here.

I take a shower, a really cold one because she turned me on in a way that never happened to me, because I never had feelings... even if I am only starting to feel something.

I go back to the room, only with my underpants again and with my hair wet. I look confused, because she's dressed and with her backpack on. —Hey, what...?—I start saying and I walk towards her.—Are you angry?— I ask a little bit worried.— Listen to me. I wanted it to happen, more than ever. I like you, you are incredibly beautiful, and smart. And you deserve someone who is going to stay here, and take care of you.— I sigh.— But for now... please, don't go.—I stare directly at her eyes.— Stay.

I say and I take her backpack from her back.—Stay with me.— I repeat and I take my tshirt. It smells to my perfume.— I think you can look beautiful in this... What do you think?

I am tying my shoes and then I am ready to go, but at this moment, Synyster comes out of the bathroom. I stand there in silence, because I don't know what to say and what he thinks. So, I wait for his reaction, to be sure if I should leave or not.

When he comes towards me, I feel how my heart breaks. I never wanted him to feel guilty or blame himself. The worst part is, that I want this 'someone' to be him. I always felt so safe and happy being with him and I think no one can make me feel the way he makes me feel. I realise that I was silent the whole time, so I nod and take the shirt from him. —Give me a minute— I say and go to the bathroom. I close the door behind me and breathe out, to calm me down. I go to the washbasin, put my hands on it and stare into the mirror in front of me. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I ask myself and open the water. I wet my face and remove my make up. Then when I am done, I change my clothes and put his tshirt on. I smell it, it smells like him, what makes my butterflies act like crazy. I take a last look in the mirror before I leave the room.

I see Syn laying in the bed, so I go towards it and lay down next to him. I don't want to make him feel bad, nothing changed. So, I move closer to him and put my head on his chest, hugging him.

I put some back sweatpants on and I lay on the bed, waiting for her. I am nervous, I can't deny it, because I know she can feel insecure or uncomfortable. When she comes, only with my tshirt, she looks incredibly good. I bite my lip and I let her put her head on my chest and I hug her.

I stay in silence for a while until I feel ready to talk. This is a little bit awkward because I still feel this so much desire. I really want to make love to her. But I can't be that selfish.

—Maybe tomorrow, before the concert... we can go to that view, and talk... I am sure you have a lot of questions about this...and us right?— I look down to her. I know now is not the best moment for talk.— Can I still kiss you?

I lay with him in silence, drawing random lines with my fingers on his chest. He is so kind to me and even if I felt bad for a moment, I know he only meant it good with me. I really like him and I don't want to destroy what we have only because of what just happened.

I am so in my thoughts until he talks. I look up and my eyes meet his. For a second, I only stare at them before I slowly move to his face and kiss him. —You don't have to ask that question— I say then. I don't know why I feel like it would have been better if I didn't tell him, but I wanted him to know. It means a lot to me, he means a lot to me, so I needed to do it.

I smile a little and then I kiss her again.— Thank you... for stay. Can I say something weird?— I am still a little bit drunk so I laugh after that, even if it's not funny.— I was really scared taking that shower. I don't want you to hate me for this, and that's why I want to talk with you tomorrow and not tonight. I know you'll understand it with some time and without the alcohol effect... the fact is that I never felt so afraid to lose a girl. Normally I don't give a fuck but with you it's different. I don't want to hurt you.— I close my eyes while talking and I hug her harder, keeping her close.

With the arm I am not hugging her I reach the lamp to turn the light off. Now I can only see a few shadows, but I still feel her and smell her scent, so I feel good and relaxed. I wish this didn't have an end.

He kisses me again and then I listen to his words. A smile appears on my face. It makes me blush actually. Knowing that I am important to him, makes me feel kinda special. He makes me feel like a princess, his princess, even if am not sure what we are to each other nor what this is between us. But, that doesn't matter right now. All I know is that I fall for him, deeply, truly. Something what never happened to me before. Fuck that shit what happened tonight, he is too cute to be mad with him.

When he turns off the light, I bury my face in his neck, so I am as close as possible to him. —Can I say something weird too?— I ask, but don't wait for a reply. —I could never be angry with you, even if I would try— I say, smiling. —...And now let's sleep— I whisper against his neck, feeling the tiredness of the work and the alcohol effect.